Jamie, Jordan and Jenna Joy

Hey, all.. Robeez is always doing good stuff for kids at Christmas. This year, if you send an ecard from them, they’ll give $5 for each one to kids. Also, if I tell you about it on my blog, they’ll give an extra $25!

What an easy way to help kids at Christmas..

Goto: www.robeez.com

It’s been a week. We’re trying to watch Indiana Jones again. If something bad happens tonight, I’ll consider it an omen.

Last week really sucked. It just did. No other good word comes to mind; sorry if it offends. But so much stuff happened just before and just after that I didn’t have a chance, in my sadness, to think about it or thank God for it, and so I’ll post some pictures here just for the rememberance. Because the dark days always seem to overwhelm the good ones, and sometimes you have to force yourself back to remember that there were good ones, and there are good ones, and there will be again.

And ultimately, God and His Time are the Great Healers.. but I would be lying if I said I could easily deal with that again soon. If you are reading this and are a friend of mine (or family), please eat some veggies or go jogging or something and be healthy and happy, because I seem to take these things harder than I used to, and I really love a lot of people. There’s a good chance you’re one of them.

Last weekend was a lot of stuff and this weekend was pretty much the same. I was in the murder mystery for Camp O’Bannon; Han and Jord went to Andrea’s uncle’s pumpkin patch and visited her parents’ big ole’ barn;


We celebrated life with a friend.. for brunch. Ah.. some people know how to live.. and eat and entertain..

And then, you know, yesterday was Jenna’s birthday. Last week was her Forever Family Day. (We’re planning a birthday with friends next week, but we couldn’t do it this weekend because I wasn’t really prepared, and anyway, Jenna went to two other parties of her own..) We did have a little family birthday..

Oh, yeah, and this weekend I also had a girls’ night out (with friends from last weekend, who recognize the value of life and life in pictures..)

And.. did I mention Jenna is going to be Snow White for Halloween? (Little poser.) That was helpful for the Princess Party she went to today.

OH, yeah, and this was also Jordan’s last tournament weekend (I haven’t downloaded the pics yet..) AND the opening of HSMIII. Jord saw it with her team in between games yesterday and Han saw it with a friend she stayed overnight with Friday. Jenna cried when she realized Daddy was going to see it with Jord and not with her. Maybe next weekend, baby.

She’s such a princess.

A very close friend of mine, and an avid reader of this blog, actually, was shot and killed by her ex-husband last night, shortly before he shot himself. The details which I know, I almost wish I didn’t, although considering my (and Kevin’s) chosen careers, it is doubtful that I would not have pictured what I know to have happened. Once you’ve seen this side of life, you can never live in the Other World again, that place where bad things don’t happen to good people, and certainly not to people you know.

Nevertheless, I would not share the details with all of you, out of respect for my friend, and out of respect for those of you who, happily, do not live this life and know this evil. I would not have you sleep with the pictures in my head that I can’t sleep without.

I was actually blessed to see my friend one last time Saturday night when she came to the murder mystery (how odd that I write that) that I was in to support a local camp for kids. She was a bright and beautiful friend, an unbelievable secretary, and a comfort to anyone who was hurting. When I got the call, and sat sobbing on the couch in total shock, my sweet girls sat by me, just loving me. And I told them that although it sometimes hurts to lose a good friend, the good friend is still worth having for the time that you do. And I am grateful, so grateful for this friend of mine, although my heart is broken.

After I heard, I met with about about ten of my friends who also knew and loved this One. Former (and current) prosecutors, social workers, victim advocates, attorneys, professor, probation officer, and another of our former secretaries (and the best friend of our friend).. great women, doing tough jobs, having lived lives knowing evil, looking at it in the face on a daily basis. We all loved our friend and would have died for her, and not one of us got the chance to do it, or even saw this coming. We couldn’t stop it and we can’t fix it. And that seriously sucks, I tell you. We wanted to hurt something or hate something or shoot something, but it didn’t matter, and it didn’t help. I couldn’t stop my friend from dying a horrible death. I couldn’t stop that evil man from taking her life. I couldn’t be with her when she was afraid and I couldn’t take away her fear and I couldn’t give her peace.

My only joy is in knowing the One who could be there. I recently read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and I have to believe that he was an inspired man. I have to believe that my Friend has Peace and has found the One who can do what ten strong women can’t.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” C.S. Lewis

Good Night, ‘Nette. I’ll see you in the morning.

These are from our weekend with Karla and the babies, I just had them on the little camera and hadn’t uploaded yet..

(Jenna took this one..)

Jord and Han got their hair cut this week.. they just keep getting older and older and I can hardly control it.

So we’ve had a busy month. No, seriously, worse than usual. In addition to Jord’s soccer, Hannah and I went to the Revolve Tour for teen girls in Columbus; Kevin and I went with friends to Vegas; we has last weekend’s Fall Ball Tournament (more soccer); and this weekend we had our loving cousins in to go to the pumpkin patch. It’s all good, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just really thankful my lovely sister-in-law doesn’t care about the state of my house when she comes to town. (Thanks, Ka!)

In addition to everything else, just have to mention this for the sake of the memory.. we lost power in that stupid windstorm from Hurricane Ike. It was out for 8 dang days, 4 of which my parents and aunt and uncle spent here with the girls while we were in Vegas. You really don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone..

Jord (and I) survived the rest of her tournament last weekend, and she played a lot more in her last games, and they won the tournament, so she was happy (which translates into, I was happy.) This weekend, in addition to having our cousins here, Jord went to an OSU womens soccer game with her team and then she walked in the walk for juvenile diabetes this morning. Oooh, and yesterday morning she got to meet Meghan McCain (John’s daughter) and get a picture with her. Jord’s doing a report in school on John McCain and Sarah Palin. I don’t care which party you believe is right, that’s pretty cool for an 11 year old.

My sweet Hannah stands quietly by through all this. She’s less social than her sister, and me, more like her daddy, and though they fight, she is very supportive of Jord, and I love her for it. Hannah’s had her share of disappointments, but she’s so strong, so kind.

And Jenna.. well, Jenna is oblivious. Her biggest concern right now is how her hair looks for school and who’s going to do her nails. Oh, and which stuffed animal she’s going to take to sleep with on her cot at school.

So.. September’s over. Shew!

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

~ Albert Einstein ~

There are times when being a mom (and dad) just hurts. It’s not bad enough that you have to deal with your own emotions, sometimes you have to live through and feel the emotions of your kids, and I swear that’s worse. It’s like you could literally slice through my boney chest and straight into my heart and it wouldn’t hurt as bad. You feel the pain they feel, the anger or frustration of the situation, and, down deep, the realization that you have to be the responsible adult and have the responsible adult reaction, and that this will, somehow, be a life lesson for your kid. Whether you like it or not, and whether it’s a good lesson or a bad one.

We’re at one of Jord’s soccer tournaments in Cincinnati this weekend, and even though Jord’s not the best on her team, she’s really been kicking it in and working really, really hard in practice and in games, and as often as I’ve offered to allow her to quit, she’s become more and more determined, and more and more committed.

And she has a really good team. Great athletes, but also, really sweet girls. And she likes them a lot. So every time she sits most of the time on the bench, it really breaks her heart. She just wants to play, to be a part of the team she’s been with so long and come to love.

And this morning, in her first game, she was the only one who didn’t play at all. Not at all. And I can tell as I watch her little face from across the field exactly what she’s thinking and feeling. This wasn’t the first time, you know, but it was the worst, and I was mad, really, really mad. It didn’t get better when I got across the field and she put on a brave front while the coach gave them the after-talk, and then she walked over to me and lost it and started crying. I could have choked up nails and spit them at people. I could have. I still feel a little nauseous like 12 hours later, just thinking about it.

Does every parent go through this? I was never an athlete as a kid, so I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to think or what I’m supposed to do. I wish she would just quit, really, because she’s got so many talents, so many skills. But she doesn’t want to. She wants to keep on trying, keep on playing.

So, ultimately, Kevin talked to the coach, and Jord played a lot in the second game. She’s happy now, and in the room of another player with a bunch of girls. She seems to have broken out of her shell this trip, and the other players are talking about how much Jord’s talking. (Oddly enough, she’s usually shy around them.) But tomorrow is another day, another one or two games. And because they could get to the championship, I may have to relive the same nightmare tomorrow, because they won’t let her play as much again. I want to hurl, or cry, or rip something apart with my bare hands.

Sometimes the parent-thing just hurts.

Today in the car Jenna decided she knows just what she wants for her birthday.. an Ipod. So I told her there’s a kid camera that really takes pictures and when you drop it, it bounces. And she said, can I have an Ipod that bounces? Sigh. Her sisters are more influential than they think.

And tonight, on the couch, she laid her leg over mine and said, “Mommy, we don’t have the same skins.” What?? “See, Mommy, my skins has black on it, and yours is white.” Ouch. So I stole a trick from another adoptive family and turned our hands over.. and I showed Jenna that we are all different because otherwise we would be so boring.. but there on our hands, we look just the same. “Ohhh!” she said.. “We both have light on our hands!” Take it how you will.. I was just happy to find the sameness.

Last night, after a crazy weekend, Hannah decided to take out Jenna’s toddler bed and put in Jord’s extra twin bed. Jenna liked it fine till bedtime.. when she wanted Jord to sleep with her. Jord got under the covers about 4:00 when Jen came into my room. Hannah reports that tonight Jord is on the bed, and Jen has crawled down on the floor. So much for the big-girl bed.

I would imagine Jord was convinced to sleep with Jenna again because of Jenna’s recent ability to express her affection.. or manipulate same. Today, when she wanted Jord to do something for her, she said, “Jordan, I love you.” (I love you too, Jenna.) “Do you love me?” (Yes, Jenna.) “Are we best buddies?” (Yes, Jenna.)

Hannah got the same treatment, but not while around Jordan. You have to be careful not to offend, you know. Someone might not do your nails or give you a popsicle or take a bath with you.. or redo your whole room and give you a big-girl bed. That kid knows just what she’s doing..

Again, I have to tell you, I have met the best, most awesome friends through this whole adoption.. and so many of them I never even saw face-to-face for the longest time. One of them is Becky Proctor and her girls, Sophia and Olivia.. Becky was driving through Columbus one day in July and met us for dinner. I only wish the girls had more time to spend together!

Beck and Me.. Jenna took this one.

Olivia and Jenna

Jenna, Sophia and Olivia

Jenna, Olivia and Sophia

And, I was sad more people couldn’t come to our adoption shopping trip.. but I still spent a ton of money and had the girls had sooo much fun!

And.. we’re still having some trouble with Jenna in the night. She GOES to bed alright, but she doesn’t stay there all night.. unless she’s really tired. I didn’t hear from her one night and actually got worried.. she was too tired to make it out her bedroom door..